How to meet people in The Hague and Rotterdam as an adult (without forcing it)
The first time I said hi to someone when I was living in the US, I went in for the kiss on the cheek. Awkward, for both of us.
Gigi and I both have our roots in South America, where community is just there. You don't sign up for it. It's the neighbour who knows your name and your mom's name, the club where you spend whole afternoons, the family lunch that starts at one and is somehow still going at eight.
Then I moved to the Netherlands and learned to love calendar invites for coffee. The space, the directness, plans made three weeks ahead. But it took me years to understand that friendship here rarely happens by accident. You have to put yourself somewhere it can happen.
Today Gigi and I run small creative groups, so we spend a lot of time watching strangers turn into friends. This is what we've learned, including the options that have nothing to do with us.
The most reliable way to meet people in The Hague or Rotterdam as an adult is to join something small that repeats: a sports club, a weekly class, a volunteering crew, a creative group. Friendships rarely form at one-off events. They form when you see the same faces again and again, ideally while doing something together, so the conversation doesn't have to carry everything.
Why is it so hard to make friends in the Netherlands?
If it feels slow, you're not doing anything wrong. A few things are working against you:
Social life is planned. Many Dutch people book their weekends weeks in advance, and a spontaneous "want to grab a drink?" is rarer than in other cultures.
Circles form early. Many people here still spend their free time with friends from school, university or their studentenvereniging.
Work friends stay at work. Colleagues are friendly, but the friendship often ends at the office door.
Friendship takes hours. A University of Kansas study found it takes around 50 hours together to go from acquaintance to casual friend, about 90 to become friends, and more than 200 to become close friends. Hours spent working together count for less.
That last one is the useful one. A single meetup gives you two hours. Something weekly gives you two hours, again and again, until one day you realise these people know you.
Three things that matter more than the activity
Whatever you choose, check it against these three.
It repeats. Same day, same group, for at least four weeks. Repetition does the work that small talk can't.
It's small. Under twelve people. In a big group you keep introducing yourself; in a small one people remember you, and notice when you're not there.
There's something to do. Doing something together takes the pressure off talking. We see it every season: the first session is quiet, a table of people who don't know each other... and then someone laughs at their own mess, someone else jumps in to help, and the conversation starts on its own.
Ways to meet people in The Hague and Rotterdam
1. A sports club or running group. Clubs are the backbone of Dutch social life, and most have a social side after training: running groups, hockey, rowing, korfball, padel. Best if you like routine and don't mind a bit of sweat.
2. A multi-week course. Ceramics, printing, cooking, photography, language. You get a teacher and the same classmates every week. Best if you already know what you want to learn. [Add a few studios per city, including ones you don't work with.]
3. Volunteering. Beach clean-ups along the North Sea, community gardens, food banks, animal shelters. You meet people who care about the same things, and the work gives you something to talk about. Best if you want meaning as well as company. It's also free.
4. A book club or language exchange. Many run in English, in cafés and libraries. Best if you prefer conversation-led settings.
5. International community events. The Hague International Centre, expat groups and Meetup host regular gatherings. Best if you're new and need a first few faces. Expect bigger, rotating groups, so pair it with something that repeats.
6. A creative group that meets over several weeks. Some formats keep the same small group together while you try something different each time. Best if you want to make things with your hands but don't know which hobby yet.
7. The people already around you. A neighbour, the person you always see at the bakery, the colleague you get along with. Invite them to something outside work. Best if you're braver than you think. Most people say yes.
How to turn an acquaintance into a friend
Showing up gets you acquaintances. A few small steps turn them into friends.
Go at least three times before deciding. The first session is always the strangest.
Be the one who suggests the coffee. After the second or third meeting, ask someone to stay for a drink. Most people are waiting for somebody else to ask.
Start the group chat, or join it and actually write in it.
Make a plan for after. When the course or season ends, propose the next thing. This is where most groups quietly fade.
The researcher behind that friendship study put it simply: you can't make people spend time with you, but you can invite them.
Give it a few weeks
Making friends as an adult in a new place is slower than anyone tells you, and usually faster than it feels in the first month. Pick one thing that repeats, go at least three times before you judge it, and be the one who suggests the coffee afterwards. Community here rarely knocks on your door, but once you start going to it, it has a way of coming back to you.
Is Unreciped right for you?
We built Unreciped around the three filters above. A season is four weeks in The Hague or Rotterdam with the same group of eight, a different craft each week, and the planning done for you. Most people join alone, and by the end they're often making plans without us. More about seasons →
It's probably not the right fit if you want to go deep into one craft (a studio course is better), if you're looking for something free (clubs and volunteering are), or if you can only do weekends, since our sessions are on weekday evenings. Our seasonal groups are also women-only for now.